The season has begun

There is no place like home. No place that I enjoy so much. Just the months of November, December and January are sufficient to make madras the best place in the world. There is so much art and culture happening live in the city that it takes my breath away. I love the evenings with the crisp cool air, that favors the women airing out their traditional kanchipuram sarees. I love stepping into the serene atmosphere of kalakshetra - witnessing a performance there is akin to a transcendental experience. Music academy is the snobbish crowd. Narada gana sabha is for the aam-aadmi. Brahma gana sabha, mylapore fine arts, vani mahal, hamsadhwani - so many art clubs. How I love chennai! Much as I have enjoyed living in various places, this is certainly where I feel the happiest! 

growing legs...

My mom used to scold me when I used to ask her to join me in my search for my math homework notebook just before starting to school. She used to tell me "where could it have gone? Search in the same place that you used it last. It could not have grown legs and walked away some place..."

Some times, it really feels like things are willfully hiding from us. Part - 5 of a tamil book series was simply missing for two weeks. We searched in all places and then decided to buy another copy. So, finally on sunday - we went all the way to higginbothams, which was one of the few shops stocking this book and got another copy.

Today - exactly 3 days later, it turns up beneath the inverter in the new house.

aaargh~!!!

When pity hurts more than hurt...

Well meant pity hurts more than hurt itself. It is like the rest of the world has acknowledged your defeat, even when you think there is a standing chance. It makes the fight that bit more difficult. 

A star in the house

My cousin's husband used to tell me, that you just need to figure out if the person you were interviewing would be managable by you. If so, you should say yes and get married. You could not get the perfect man, because he would be a gentleman in some aspects and an a*****e in some...That if you felt a click for some reason, you should go ahead. 

Though most of the time, we make each other tear our hair out, I sometimes get a glimpse of totally unexpected warmness, beauty, appreciation and happiness, that it makes me feel that the person to whom I said "yes - I will", is "the person" in this world for me! 

He surprised me with a white and silver christmas star to hang outside the house yesterday.

Surprise~!

He said he wanted to drink with me some day!!!

you will understand when you grow up...

The first time, I heard somebody use a swear word, I could not understand the meaning of it. I must have been all of ten years old. A bunch of sixth/ seventh standard kids were fighting and they yelled "bastard". Since the conversation was on very heated terms, I thought he meant something derogatory, but did not know what it meant. I asked my mom what it meant and got scolded for being around people who used such words. I asked my dad and he said that I was not old enough to understand the explanations. Since there was no google with auto-correct options to look it up, I searched a dictionary - for quite sometime. (I did not know the spelling either...) The word would not go away.

Later, when I finally learnt that a bustard was "a big terrestrial bird" and that a bastard was "a child born out of wedlock", I was able to understand what it meant. But, by then, I also knew that it was supposed to be a slur on some body's mother and according to the tam culture, insulting a person's mother was worse than insulting the person himself. Like damning somebody even before they are born!

So, what is it about the word bastard, that people use it as a derogatory term? I might find the parents irresponsible for bringing a child that they knew they would not be able to care for. In most cases, I might find fault with the father for either being irresponsible or for abandoning the woman without sharing parenting responsibilities. Why in the world is it used as a swear word? Why is there such a mania for people to know their roots so exactly? Why is it a fault if we are unable to establish our complete parentage? Why would a single parent child be looked upon more favorably than a bastard child?

What is it about marriage that gives sanctity to birth? And I am left with just more questions than ever...

of all the things that never happend!

Remember when your uncle used to scare the life out of you saying -" goodness, you swallowed the orange pips! Now, the tree is going to grow out of your stomach." I used to think that the tree roots would go through my feet and I will be stuck in one place forever. My hands and head would become outstretched as branches. That I would be rooted to the spot and will have to pick my spot in the garden before the roots grew through my feet. hmm - so much for that! 

neighbours!

"Oh! that is your husband's name? I used to wonder who this new name was that showed up on the wifi list!"

"Oh - you wear saree?! I couldnt recognise after seeing you in pants and shirts!You look good!"

and you may now update your status!

I used to find it scary that a person had to have a credit history to be acknowledged by the socitey. Now, people need to have an online presence and social network. A friend of mine found it funny that my husband and I are not connected on facebook.

We are not friends! - on facebook... Whatever for?!!! We share a hundred thoughts and moments. We weed our garden, go to work, decorate our house, groan over tax returns, throw parties and grocery shop together. What more will I share with him on facebook? And what I do want to share, I would rather share with him alone and not with the rest of the world. And so it is for me! :)

Being a happy woman

"Dont spend. I will take care of the bills. You can keep all the money that you earn as savings." 

Most men, whose mothers have not been working women tend to think that their role in a family is about being the provider. If they happen to marry a woman who works, they have a very hard time getting used to the fact that the woman might not necessarily like being financially dependent. Or being told not to spend. Or being told how to spend their money. 

Each person has a sense of control over their lives, by being financially sensitive. By knowing their earning potential and how they should plan their lives around it. It is not just the man's domain to earn money. Women also have developed a taste for it. Let alone the financial aspect of going to work... A woman's life today does not revolve around the kitchen and keeping a beautiful house and picking up laundry. More so, for a woman who has seen her mother raise her, take care of the house, go to work and multi-task in a 100 odd ways. 

It becomes very demeaning to be told that I should not spend my money. That he will take care of the bills. That he will take care of the EMI. That it is sufficient if I plan the vacation. He will pay. I do not need to own a house. I dont need a car. I dont need a 100 dress wardrobe. I did not get married because I needed somebody to support me financially. I did not get married because I needed a social licence to have sex. What I want is a person who lets me grow in my natural way. Who feels proud of my accomplishments. Who appreciates/ criticises my work with honest interest. Who takes interest in the people who mean a lot to me. 

It forces a woman to become fiercely competitive and earn at least equally as her husband, if only to gain his respect and interest. If we were left to ourselves, without getting married, I think most women of today would not be bothered about earning so much above their needs. We women do not have great aspirations of wealth. A supportive family which respects our opinions and freedoms will leave us a lot happier. We would probably be a lot happier writing poetry, painting, dancing, singing and feel happy at the progress of our families.