appreciate it...

Ever wondered on the things that we appreciate? books, music, dance, food... Indians specialise in likening uniquely cultural / scientific things to things familiar from the home land. Like - minestrone soup to rasam, tetziki to raita, refried beans to rajma, evolution to dasavatharam, ballet to odissi/ baratanatyam, why this kolaveri to subapantuvarali, anything nice that the wife cooks to his mother's cooking... Books are the ultimate in terms of proportionality of familiarity to appreciation. We predominantly read from the protagonist's point of view. Where they react in the manner that we might ourselves react, we read with greater interest. When the author thinks differently, we say the book is boring/ outrageous/ irrational. What a narrow mind it is that refuses the person who has thought and written his words...

Maybe there is a subconscious compulsion to compare every thing that we see to things that are familiar to us. And we appreciate only those that strike a resonant chord. Would this mean that sufficient familiarity with any given thing would make us appreciate it? How then do we form our dislikes? Other than instanteaneous allergic/ unpleasant reactions, how does one know that something is amiss?

Not so bad a world to be in.

I saw this person... He was a competitor at a vendor meet during the opening of the tender. A bit elderly. Not particularly tall. Was wearing neatly pressed clothes. Just a faint outline of vibuthi was visible. Whatever little was remaining after the morning of travelling in the sun and sweat. His face was radiating warmth and peace. I broke into an automatic smile of acknowledgement and happiness on seeing him. Did not get to speak to him.

After we left the place, my cousin asked me who he was. I replied that I did not know. Sometimes, we come across people who glow with peace and happiness, who walk around with a smile - like they have the buddha inside them. We feel happier to have just seen them. I guess, it taps something inside us and reassures our belief in goodness of the world.

Fairy tale ending

And they got divorced and lived happily ever after...

why do you want to dance?

"What do want to dance for?!!"

"I want to...? Is that sufficient reason?"

"You have your priorities all mixed up. You know your age? We should be looking at having a baby. What will people think? Why do want to waste so much money on an arangetram? I dont think your parents will be happy. Neither will I be. Nor will my parents...I am not at all comfortable with you going ahead with this. Please drop the idea."

Is it insanity that makes a woman want to go and do exactly what the person who declares that he loves her does not want her to do? Is love always about giving up what is dear to you? Is love always measured in tears and heartbreaks? What an irony for a happy feeling... I dont want to be loved like this.

remembering

Waiting for the moon,

I failed to see

the forgotten stars were

staring back at me...

They each asked a hundred questions,

blinking

at my unwavering stare

wondering what I was

searching for.

Their questions reached me -

a hundred light years later.

Now, When I try to reply

they are no longer there.

A year gone by...

The last year has been satisfying to say the least. I tried earnestly to be the person people wished me to be - a handful of people who really matter to me. In doing so, I forgot that I had take care of myself, be happy with myself, if I were to bring any real happiness to any of these people. And I fought for my space, time and priorities, without even knowing what and who I was fighting for. It was hard.

 

We struggled, fought, came out with a few resolutions and are still living together. I decided against cooking south indian meals, if i did not feel up to it. I actually baked some amazing breads, made great salads and dressings. I planned a vacation for both of us as per my likes - a backpacking vacation and he actually does not disapprove. Dance has been going on great... I feel so thrilled to dance, to emote, to be able to move with rythm and grace. I finally finished the paintings that I started last year. Have given them for framing, so that they can be hung in the new house. I have decided on starting a small stacked vegetable patch and a couple of other projects. He saw the seedlings today morning. We were completely thrilled. It struck me that it has taken us nearly four years to discover a common liking... He said he would not divorce me till I turned 65.